Would you like to find a deep well of motivation to tap into at a moment’s notice to obliterate whatever goal you set? A kick in the ass on call whenever you need it? I can’t tell you how many people tell me this is what they’re looking for. Figuratively, of course. No one actually enjoys a kick in the ass…do they? Yet that strong motivation in times of temptation is exactly what we need to stick to that new diet or exercise program!
I go through a process with my clients where I ask them their goals, and even more importantly, WHY they give a crap about that goal. I’m like a really annoying jack hammer digging deeper into your psyche to figure out what you really care about beyond the BS surface things we always say we want. Those are just ego-driven goals that I know you don’t really care about. Because it’s all to easy to forget about that BS goal when face to face with the office birthday cake.
And I know from experience, the deeper the WHY, the more emotion it stirs in you, the easier time you’ll have making a transformation. Don’t believe me? Let’s watch this in action.
“I want to lose the last 10 pounds so I’m the weight I was when I got married” you tell me with a determined gleam in your eye.
“I hear what you’re saying but I want to understand why this is important to you.” I begin, “why is that weight so magical? Will you walk around with a sign around your neck letting everyone know your weight? Will your spouse love you more if you’re back to that weight?”
See, I don’t buy this surface level, ego goal. It’s not what you really want. It’s a nice little thing to say you’re shooting for, but I know there’s more to the story. At this point you’re looking at me like I burst your bubble of diet heaven and definitely like I’m half crazy.
Cue the jack hammering.
“WHY does being the same weight as the day you got married important to you?” I start again.
“Well I looked really good then and I felt really good about myself” you respond.
“Well I think we can agree that everyone looks really good on their wedding day and you can’t recreate that bridal glow” I gently say. *bursting more bubbles, I know* “I wonder if feeling really good about yourself back then had more to do with what you were doing in life at that time, rather than what you weighed. What do you think?”
“Well, I was pretty excited to be getting married and I was done with college and had a pretty good job, so yeah, I can see why I’d be feeling pretty good about myself” you respond.
“So let’s get you really excited about your life again. If you never lost another pound, but had incredible energy, had a purpose that made you spring out of bed every morning, rocked a swimsuit with confidence, and were making a huge difference in the world doing what you loved….would you feel pretty damn good about yourself?”
“Well yeah, I guess I would!” you sheepishly admit. “I think I’d rather focus on being my best, healthiest self than something silly like a certain number on the scale.”
“I agree. Let’s focus then on building up your health, energy and strength so you can go out into the world and do the things that light you up. How’s that sound for a kick ass goal?”
Ego goal kicked to the curb, soul level goal recognized and activated.
**Now don’t get scared, but the following example dialogue is similar to one I’ve had in my own head. Yes, I talk to myself, don’t you??
“I have 20 pounds to lose and I need to lose it as soon as possible” I say with a serious face that hints at the desperation below.
“Twenty pounds is a reasonable goal to shoot for, but why do I REALLY need to lose it ASAP?’ I counter with.
“Hmmm…I think I feel like a fraud or a failure if I don’t look like I have it all together. I mean, I talk about health & fitness all day, I should be ripped!”
“Well, you’re not ripped, but you have lots of muscle, you have a body fat percentage in the healthy range, you sleep well, you have lots of energy and your overall health is great, so maybe your weight isn’t really the problem here. Feeling like a fraud has to do with how you perceive yourself, nothing else. Losing weight won’t fix that.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right! What you’re doing is a classic move we all make. Instead of focusing on the actual problem (how you perceive yourself and working on your own self-image and confidence) you’re going for the easy, PC goal of losing weight. What a great way to distract yourself from the real work you need to be doing. So, what’s your actual soul goal?”
“Hmmm…I guess it’s to start living the life that lights me up…one that I know is truly me, not what I think other people want me to be. I mean, it’d be great if my weight came down a bit, but I think if I focus on the other, deeper goal, the weight would take care of itself naturally as I wouldn’t be eating out of boredom anymore. Doing things I love wouldn’t leave room for boredom.”
Answer the following questions to find YOUR soul goals, you know, the ones that will come with an automatic kick in the ass. : )
1) Why do you want to lose weight?
2) Why does that matter to you?
3) And why does THAT matter to you? *keep asking why til you can’t answer anymore*
4) Could there be an underlying reason you feel losing weight will help you?
5) What might you be avoiding by focusing on weight loss all the time?
PS – Have your WHY written out? Congrats! Now head here to download the Complete FIT Guide to your 60 Day Transformation!!